i'm so fucking irritable these days. i don't know what it is, but i get pissed at the slightest thing. it's like i am permanently pmsing. i am lonely, but i don't want to see anyone. i want to talk to people, but i want to be left alone. example: astrid was eating an apple and i just about lost it. seriously, almost punched a hole through the wall. i think it's just that when i am at home, i do get pissed at people. i get into verbal arguments with family or friends, we yell, we patch it up...it's a release. here i can't yell. i can't stomp up the stairs and say "fuck off"...
of course, getting out on my bike makes me feel better. listening to tunes that are fucking depressing makes me feel better too. sigur ros's ( ), an album i can listen to only when i want to slit my wrists, is high on my list right now. so is radiohead's "amnesiac" which has so many memories attached that i can usually only handle one or two songs before spiraling into a 24 hr. depression.
therapeutic photography has helped too. here are some images of what could be considered a therapy session: my bike, my music, my camera...
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